The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

My year long absence has probably been for a combination of reasons, but first and foremost and mostly and greatly and majorly, this is because I started a new job in May of 2011. I used to write blog posts on my *ahem* breaks at my old job and simply never made time to incorporate this activity into my evening routine after changing.

Secondarily, I didn’t read anything during the past year which adequately compelled me to write. Rebecca entertained me, but didn’t inspire me. The Catcher in the Rye infuriated me because it was so terrible, and concluded with a fierce propulsion of the book across the bedroom. Katherine was a beautiful love story, but wasn’t much to write about. Then there was Cold Comfort Farm, Far from the Madding Crowd, Gormenghast, and Love in the time of Cholera, all of which were decent reads, but not particularly memorable (for me). 100 Years of Solitude almost motivated me to bring pen to paper (or finger to key, I guess), but not quite.

The Grapes of Wrath made me want to write (uh, or type). I don’t know that I can say why exactly. The Grapes of Wrath is a story about hardship. It is beautifully composed. Steinbeck never betrayed his characters. He also never betrayed his story. The end disappointed me for a moment. I was expecting something different, something tidy, something conclusive and happy. After a minute of thought, I realized that such an ending would have destroyed the message Steinbeck was trying to communicate. The book wasn’t about working hard and experiencing trials so that in the end all will be well and good, and tied up in shiny paper with a frilly bow. The book was about reality. Fittingly, it had no epilogue, which of course, thrilled me, as I hate epilogues.

The Grapes of Wrath chronicles the journey of the Joad family as they leave their mid-western home bound for California—where work is rumored to be abundant and life is comfortable. People will welcome them with open arms and they will be able to settle down in a house made of candy with marshmallow toadstools in their yard and roads made of licorice. Small orange men called Oompa Loompas will take care of their household chores while they enjoy their warm chocolate moat, and elevator that goes in all directions and butterscotch flowers, and…uh…oh boy, that might not be exactly what they thought California would be, but you get the general idea, right?

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: A

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes. I’d recommend it to any and all of them.  

The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough

I probably shouldn’t be writing this post yet. I’m angry and disappointed. Angry at the author of this book, who I feel betrayed her characters. Disappointed that the author so flippantly dismissed the depth of the very relevant relationship which she had created between two complex people, only to have this relationship violated, and dismissed, as if these two people were mere acquaintances.

In order to further explain my frustration, enjoy the following story: There’s a little bluebird that comes to a woman’s window every day for 60 years. Every morning, he lands on her planter box, spins around on one foot, takes a bow, winks at her and then flies away. After 60 years of this bird’s consistent behavior, the woman wakes up one morning. She’s learned that she has cancer. She looks out the window. She sees the bird approaching and is heartened. He lands on the planter, glares at the woman, turns around, poops on her window, and flies away.

I’m not saying the bluebird should have moved into the woman’s house to be her pet. I’m not saying the bluebird should have cured the woman’s cancer. All I’m saying is that if the ^&*#ing bird can’t find it within himself to act the same way he has without fail, for the last 60 years, on this very important day when the woman is suffering, perhaps he shouldn’t be in this bloody story!

Having said all of this, I very thoroughly enjoyed this book. In fact, until about 50 pages from the end, I loved this book.

It really was a beautiful story of three generations of the Cleary family—their journey from poverty in New Zealand to wealth in Australia. The book was published in 1977, but was set in the early 1900s and runs past the end of World War II. I confess that the inclusion of intimate relations was an exciting change from the stuffy mid 19th century books I’ve been reading lately. The book was well written, characters were well developed (until they were betrayed), the storylines were complete, and the book was a very quick paced, easy read.

Favorite passages:
(in reference to Mary Carson…I’m a Scorpio myself and found this amusing)
"Why, and to be sure it means herself is a Scorpio woman, does it not? A Scorpio woman, now!”
“I haven't got the slightest idea what you're talking about, Min!”
“The wurrst sign a woman can find herself born into, Mrs. Smith darlin'. Och, they're children of the Devil, so they are!” pg. 163

(Father Ralph speaking to the doctor delivering Meggie’s baby)
"the church is adamant on that point, Doctor. No choice must ever be made. The child cannot be done to death to save the mother, nor the mother done to death to save the child.” He smiled back at Doc Smith just as maliciously. “But if it should come to that, Doctor, I won't hesitate to tell you to save Meggie, and the hell with the baby." Pg. 364

(Meggie, comparing Ralph to Luke)
"And her hands itched with the feel of Luke's back when he held her close in a dance, she was stirred by him, his touch, his crisp vitality. Oh, she never felt that dark liquid fire in her bones for him, she never thought that if she didn't see him again she would wither and dry up, she never twitched and trembled because he looked at her." Pg. 292

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: R

Overall Grade: A-
Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes…I think. I’m still really frustrated, but I think I’d recommend it.

Middlemarch by George Eliot

This paragraph from completereview.com sums up my feeling about Middlemarch pretty well.

“Middlemarch is a grand book -- albeit one with many faults. There are several stories here that could be at the center of a novel -- and Eliot seems unable to choose between them, presenting instead a sometimes uncomfortable mix of foci. She also wants to present a broader canvas, of Middlemarch-provincial life as a whole, but fails here too because she isn't willing to commit to that the focus of her book either. Still, most of her characters and their stories are very strong, and there are almost no lulls over the 800 pages of the book. There is also a considerable amount of often sly humour, which adds to the enjoyment of the text”

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: C+

Would I recommend this to my friends? The ones who like Victorian novels and are looking for one they haven’t read.

The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

Neither this post nor the one that will follow will contain any depth, anything of quality, and probably nothing of humor. You see, I’m in school. So far, I’ve managed to make time for casual reading, but the time I once had for blogging has been wholly consumed with other activities. As such, The Woman in White has been sitting on my desk for probably 6 weeks now, waiting for this blog post to be written.


Here you go, Woman in White—you deserve better than this.

Interesting fact: Wilkie Collins had a famous buddy named Charles Dickens, who helped Collins get The Woman in White published serially.

The Woman in White was a mystery told by several of the characters, as though they were giving testimony for a trial.

What I liked: mystery, lunacy, deceit, and the underlying gothic tones.

What I didn’t like: The majority of the plot was predictable (but don’t worry, some of it does get pretty wild), the stagnancy of Laura Fairlie’s personality, but that’s to be tolerated as the book was published in 1860, and how white-bread “the secret” turns out to be. Anti-climactic in my opinion.

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: B+

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

At the beginning of the book, Owen Meany is a child, who yells everything he says because his vocal chords never fully developed. He is also so small that his peers pass him around the room over their heads during Sunday School.


A Prayer for Owen Meany was touching, entertaining, thought provoking, heart wrenching, disgusting, frustrating, enlightening, and an overall good read. Did I LOVE the book? No, not really. There were things about it that I almost hated, but I loved Owen Meany. The story is narrated by Owen Meany’s best childhood friend John. The thing about this book which frustrated me the most was that John—in present day, telling the story—was dreadfully annoying. The book basically came in 30—or so—page segments of great stories, separated by irritating rants about newspapers and the US sucking. I’m not defensive about the US or anything, but John’s incessant and repetitive whining just got really old. The good news is that the portions of the book where John is a whiny adult are typically very short—about 3-5 pages.

The target audience for this book is probably those who were in their late teens or 20s during the Vietnam War. Anyone can enjoy and appreciate the book, but I think it would have greater meaning and resonate more with people of that generation.

Favorite passages:

“JUST BECAUSE A BUNCH OF ATHEISTS ARE BETTER WRITERS THAN THE GUYS WHO WROTE THE BIBLE DOESN’T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM RIGHT!” he said crossly. “LOOK AT THOSE WEIRDO TV MIRACLE-WORKERS—THEY’RE TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC! BUT THE REAL MIRACLES AREN’T ANYTHING YOU CAN SEE—THEY’RE THINGS YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE WITHOUT SEEING. IF SOME PREACHER’S AN ASSHOLE, THAT’S NOT PROOF THAT GOD DOESN’T EXIST!” “Yes, but let’s not say ‘asshole’ in class, Owen,” Pastor Merrill said. And in our Scripture class, Owen said, “IT’S TRUE THAT THE DISCIPLES’ ARE STUPID—THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT JESUS MEANS, THEY’RE A BUNCH OF BUNGLERS, THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD AS MUCH AS THEY WANT TO BELIEVE, AND THEY EVEN BETRAY JESUS. THE POINT IS, GOD DOESN’T LOVE US BECAUSE WE’RE SMART OR BECAUSE WE’RE GOOD. WE’RE STUPID AND WE’RE BAD AND GOD LOVES US ANYWAY—JESUS ALREADY TOLD THE DUMB-SHIT DISCIPLES WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.” Pg 309

“Why does she drink so much?” I asked Owen. “HESTER’S AHEAD OF HER TIME,” he said. “What’s that mean?” I asked him. “Do we have a generation of drunks to look forward to?” “WE HAVE A GENERATION OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ANGRY TO LOOK FORWARD TO,” Owen said. “AND MAYBE TWO GENERATIONS OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T GIVE A SHIT,” he added.” Pg 362

“what could Marilyn Monroe’s death ever have to do with me? “IT HAS TO DO WITH ALL OF US,” said Owen Meany, when I called him that night. “SHE WAS JUST LIKE OUR WHOLE COUNTRY—NOT QUITE YOUNG ANYMORE, BUT NOT OLD EITHER; A LITTLE BREATHLESS, VERY BEAUTIFUL, MAYBE A LITTLE STUPID, MAYBE A LOT SMARTER THAN SHE SEEMED. AND SHE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING—I THINK SHE WANTED TO BE GOOD. LOOK AT THE MEN IN HER LIFE—JOE DIMAGGIO, ARTHUR MILLER, MAYBE THE KENNEDYS. LOOK AT HOW GOOD THEY SEEM! LOOK AT HOW DESIRABLE SHE WAS! THAT’S WHAT SHE WAS: SHE WAS DESIRABLE. SHE WAS FUNNY AND SEXY—AND SHE WAS VULNERABLE TOO. SHE WAS NEVER QUITE HAPPY, SHE WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT. SHE WAS JUST LIKE OUR WHOLE COUNTRY.” Pg 430

“THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET AMERICANS TO NOTICE ANYTHING IT TO TAX THEM OR DRAFT THEM OR KILL THEM,” Owen said.” Pg 431

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: B+

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth

I love books that explore, exploit, and analyze culture. I went through a phase in college called my “depressing Asian novels” phase where I was passionately obsessed with (you guessed it) novels about Asian culture. When A Suitable Boy showed up in the mail, my first thought was—wha? this thing is gigantic! My second thought was—I’m going to like this. You see, novels based on culture, have stereotypically similar cover art—much like romance novels feature women with heaving bosoms and heads tilted back, mysteries feature dark figures with guns, and fantasies feature swords, leaves, elves, and the occasional eel/dragon. Cultural novels feature autumn colors—red, brown, orange—with lots of fabric and people looking pensive, sad, or plain depressed. As was the case with the cover of A Suitable Boy.


The story tells the tale of several families (with dozens of characters) who live in post-colonial India (approx. 1952). There are four main families who all play different roles in the explanation of Indian culture. The characters range from politicians and teachers to businessmen and mothers. The overarching storyline is that of a mother and daughter, both of whom are searching for a suitable spouse for the daughter—Lata. The story explores the burdens and advantages to the caste system and arranged marriage. It also discusses in depth, the political conditions and fervor of the time as India struggled to peaceably make the transition to an independent country.

Overall, I very much enjoyed this story. The ending was a little rushed, tired and inconclusive, but had no epilogue (as I recall) so I can’t complain too much. (I always prefer an abrupt, inconclusive ending to an epilogue.) Aside from that; the characters were well developed—some were entertaining, some annoying, and others loveable. Another solid, epic tale.

Favorite passages:

"Ma! said Lata, a little exasperated at the emotional capital her mother insited on making out of every possible circumstance." Pg 3

"Meenakshi and Arun were not really able to afford all this--Billy Irani had independent means--but it seemed intolerable that they, for whom this kind of life was so obviously intended, should be deprived of it by a mere lack of funds." Pg. 69

"Lata nodded. I'm not a mouse or a tigress, she thought, I'm a hedgehog." Pg 156

" Everyone has tragedy, he said. 'But Krishna had joy. The secet of life is to accept. Accept happiness, accept sorrow; accept success, accept failure; accept fame, accept disgrace; accept doubt, even accept the impression of certainty." pg 812

"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched,' said Lata, laughing. 'But they might never get hatched,' said Savita. 'I may as well count them now." pg 954

"Dipankar stepped out of his hut in the garden after having meditated for an hour or so. He had come to a decision about the next step in his life. This decision was irrevocable unless he changed his mind." Pg 1192

"...I too hate long books: the better, the worse. If they're bad, they merely make me pant with the effort of holding them up for a few minutes. But if they're good, I turn into a social moron for days, refusing to go out of my room, scowling and growling at interruptions, ignoring weddings and funerals, and making enemies out of friends. I still bear the scars of Middlemarch." Pg. 1370

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13 (there’s some violence.)

Overall Grade: A-

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes, to those who can persevere through 1,488 page books.

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

Remember in elementary school when your third grade teacher taught you about writing a story and the parts of a plot? You probably saw a diagram that looked something like this:

The diagram, as I see it, for The Pillars of the Earth would look something like this:

Now, I’m not saying that professional writers should stick to an amateur creative method they were taught at age 8, but the deviation from the traditional plot form was so stark in The Pillars of the Earth that I found it particularly annoying. The story went something like this: John was a kid who dreamed of being a concert pianist. John was talented and took music lessons. He practiced and practiced. He found the field was very competitive, but he worked hard and persevered hoping to someday play at Carnegie Hall. Remember John? He once played a gig at Carnegie Hall.

Repeatedly during the novel, Follett would spend hundreds of pages building up to a climax, only to skip the climax and then spend about a sentence talking about how the climax happened. WTF?!

All of that irritation aside, the story itself was quite compelling. It is set in Medeival England with the Builder family. Tom Builder is a mason whose life dream is to build a Cathedral. There’s an antagonist named William who should have been killed on about page 5. I now break for one more criticism. My theory is that Follet wanted desparately for his readers to understand that William was one sick bastard who should be killed. In an effort to make this point, William is painted as a character who is obsessed with raping women. I can deal with a rape scene when it is integral to the storyline, but there must have been close to 10 rape scenes in this book. Was that necessary? I had a pretty damned good idea after rape scene number 1, that William should go to hell. I tolerated rape scene number 2, and thought—okay, I get it—he’s got a sick obsession. The remaining rape scenes were COMPLETELY unecessary. Don’t get it. Don’t want to get it.

Oops, I digress, back to the story. The book talks a lot about building, which I found quite interesting to read about measurements and styles and all of that. Also interesting, was learning about Medeival monastic life (according to Follett). The book contained love, broken hearts, pregnancies (both wanted and unwanted), a witch, marriage, kings, arson, attacks, defense, hope, the absense of hope, times of starvation and times of plenty. It is a great story, long but an easy read.

Favorite passages:
 

"Having faith in God did not mean sitting back and doing nothing. It meant believing that you would find success if you did your best hgonestly and energetically." pg.424


"She loved him because he had brought her back to life. She had been like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and he had drawn her out and shown her that she was a butterfly. She would have spent her entire life numb to the joys and pains of love, if he had not walked into her secret glade, and shared his story peoms with her, and kissed her so lightly, and then slowly, gently, awakened the love that lay dormant in her heart. He had been so patient, so tolerant, despite his youth. For that she would always love him." pg. 799

"Philip smiled. 'Knotty theological questions are the least worrying of problems, to me.' 'Why?' 'Because they will all be resolved in the hereafter, and meanwhile they can safely be shelved." pg. 946

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: R (for language and some pretty detailed sex scenes)

Overall Grade: C+

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yeah, a few--it is an easy read.

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Crime and Punishment is one of those books that was generally enjoyable to read each time I picked it up, but was never compelling enough to keep me awake past my bed-time reading. I actually finished the book a couple of weeks ago, but have been really unsure how I felt about it; therefore the delay in this post.

Crime and Punishment is the story of Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov; a student who has dropped out of school due to lack of funding. He has studied philosophy in depth and has formulated the theory that certain people have the right to murder (he uses Napoleon as an example). Raskolnikov is destitute and has pawned all of his valuables to a cranky old pawnbroker named Alyona Ivanovna. Raskolnikov formulates a plan to murder Ivanova; his justification being that he could perform acts of kindness with her money, also he needed money for himself, his mother, and sister. Finally, he claims himself to be one of those who are authorized to murder.

After committing the crime, Raskolnikov suffers from a nervous breakdown and the remainder of the story tells of his friends and family, and their confusion over Raskolnikov’s state. Raskolnikov goes back and forth through periods of humility where he feels he must confess and then thinks perhaps he can go on in normal society.

Raskolnikov befriends Sonia, a young prostitute, who ultimately convinces him to confess and pay for his crime (prison in Siberia).

That’s basically how the Russian version of “and they lived happily ever after”.

I did enjoy the story—Raskolnikov’s mental struggles were interesting to ponder. I have to admit that I grew a little tired of them by the end though. The story was pretty predictable possessing few surprises, but overall I liked the story—after all, it is about a crazy person.

Favorite passages:

“What answer had your lecturer in Moscow to make to the question why he was forging notes? ‘Everybody is getting rich one way or another, so I want to make haste to get rich too.’ I don’t remember the exact words, but the upshot was that he wants money for nothing, without waiting or working! We’ve grown used to having everything ready-made, to walking on crutches, to having our food chewed for us.” Pg. 153 (huh, and that was in the mid 1800s...)

“She was an ugly little thing. I really don’t know what drew me to her then—I think it was because she was always ill. If she had been lame or hunchback, I believe I should have liked her better still.” Pg. 232

“…but yet she seems in a way to have liked my brutal frankness. She thought it showed I was unwilling to deceive her if I warned her like this beforehand and for a jealous woman, you know, that’s the first consideration.” Pg. 467

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: R

Overall Grade: C+

Would I recommend this to my friends? Some of them—those who like dark, depressing stories about mental issues.

Persuasion By Jane Austen

Persuasion is another Jane Austen novel. As mentioned previously, I’ve never been able to grasp the intrigue of Jane Austen’s style so take my review with a grain of salt.

The story is about the Elliot family who, while once wealthy, had squandered their inheritance and are left up to their ears in debt. Anne, the story’s main character and daughter of the Elliot family, convinces her widower father that the best solution to their financial woes is for the family to move to Bath and rent out their estate.

They do so and their renters turn out to be none other than the sister and brother-in-law of Anne’s ex-fiancé of 10 years ago. (You see where this is going, right?)

Basically from here on out, this story has all of the elements of every other Jane Austen novel I’ve read. One of the sister’s is kind of crazy, one is annoying, relatives propose to Anne and she refuses. Anne likes a guy who turns out to be a creep. Some people get sick and some become engaged unexpectedly. People fall in love and weddings are planned. It is a fine story but completely predictable and white bread.

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: C

Would I recommend this to my friends? Some of them.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Anna Karenina was a beautiful, complex story. True to the style of 19th century Russian literature, the story contains countless characters but the main focus is on four people and their relationships—Anna Karenina, Vronsky, Kitty and Levin.


The story contrasts the experiences had by two different couples—one of which ends with joy and edification and the other ends in tragedy and misery. I thoroughly enjoyed the story but also found it incredibly heart wrenching. I finished this book about a week ago but it has weighed heavily on me and I haven’t been able to write a proper synopsis. I still find myself unable to do so, so I’m going to steal a review from Esther Lombardi. Here you go:

"When Tolstoy finally started the story of Anna Karenina, his wife reported in a letter to her sister, "Yesterday Leo suddenly started to write a novel on contemporary life. The subject is the unfaithful wife and all the ensuing tragedy.'

So, Tolstoy creates the character of Anna Karenina, a young woman who finds herself in a loveless marriage with Karenin. It might not have seemed so intolerable if she had not met and fallen in love with Count Vronsky.

As a comparison to Anna's tragic affair, we hear about the relationship between Kitty and Levin, a conjugal love match. Levin is first rejected by Kitty, since she has her heart set on Count Vronsky. Since Vronsky's affections are already taken by Anna Karenina, Kitty's heart is broken and she eventually turns back to Levin for love and marriage.

In the character of Anna, Tolstoy creates a woman who is perhaps most unhappily destined for tragedy. Anna falls in love with Count Vronsky, only to find that her passions are uncontrollable. She might have continued the relationship in secret, but she defies the 'rules,' and is forced to pay the ultimate price... She loses all contact with her son; and she is shunned from proper society.”


Favorite passages (there are several):

"You think war is necessay? Fine. Send anyone who preaches war to a special front-line legion--into the assault, into the attack, ahead of everyone!" Pg 808

"And it now seemed to him that there was not a single belief of the Chuch that violated the main thing--faith in God, in the good, as the sole purpose of man." Pg 799

"The conversation had begun nicely, but precisely because it was much too nice, it stopped again. They had to resort to that sure, never failing remedy--malicious gossip." pg 134

"Be bad, but at least don't be a liar." pg 235

"The role of a man who attached himself to a married woman and devoted his life to involving her in adultery at all costs, had something beautiful and grand about it and could never be ridiculous." pg 128

"Stepan Arkadyich smiled. He knew so well this feeling of Levin's, knew that for him all the girls in the world were divided into two sorts: one sort was all the girls in the world except her, and these girls had all human weaknesses and were very ordinary girls; the other sort was her alone, with no weaknesses and higher than everything human." pg 37

If this were a movie, I’d rate it: R

Overall Grade: A

Would I recommend this to my friends? Yes

Double Act by Jacqueline Wilson

Yesterday’s read was Double Act; also by Jacqueline Wilson. It was about a set of 10 year old twins who do everything together, think alike, creep people out by saying the same thing at the same time, and can’t imagine life apart.


Their names are Ruby and Garnet. Their dad buys a bookshop in a small town and his girlfriend, Rose, moves with them. The twins, of course, hate Rose as she has taken their dad’s attention and they miss their mother (who died).

Ultimately, Garnet is offered a full ride scholarship at a prestigious boarding school while Ruby is not and Garnet decides to take the opportunity. Ruby stops talking to Garnet and the twins endure a summer of silence.

At the end everyone makes up, they decide that Rose is okay, and life goes one.

This book, like The Story of Tracy Beaker, is told through journals written by the girls. I enjoyed it more than Tracy Beaker—mostly because Garnet’s character was likeable. Ruby was much like Tracy Beaker—loud, obnoxious, mean—basically a bully. This was a cute story. Nothing more, nothing less.

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG

Overall Grade: C.

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yeah, I’d recommend it to parents of girls age 8-10.

The Story of Tracy Beaker by Jacqueline Wilson

Uuuuggggghhhh. Yes, I confess, I went into this book with a bad attitude. It all started when I read the back cover which states “Tracy’s been in foster care as long as she can remember. Maybe one day her mother will show up and together they’ll have fabulous adventures. Then again, maybe she won’t. In the meantime, Tracy’s doing everything she can to take care of herself. And that’s hard work, because the girls she lives with are mean and rude and horrible.”


I just…well, Tracy was really annoying and bratty and that wore on me. Fortunately it only had to wear on me for approximately 2 hours and then the book was over.

From what I can tell, Tracy Beaker became a big hit in Britain in the early 90’s. She’s kind of like Punky Brewster…only not as cute and without the cool socks.

The story is 10 year old Tracy Beaker’s journal written in first person narrative while she is living in a foster home. I’m sure kids are all over this stuff, but I just didn’t get it. Maybe I’m getting old.

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG

Overall Grade: Meh.

Would I recommend this book to my friends: No. Not even my friends' kids. Sorry.

Bleak House by Charles Dickens

I have one bit of advice for anyone planning to read Bleak House. If your copy does not contain a character list, create your own as you read. I personally got about a third of the way through and realized I was getting characters confused, at which point I promptly logged on to Cliff’s Notes and downloaded a character list which much to my chagrin contained three spoilers. Way to go.

I’ve read several reviews stating that Bleak House is a slow read. I don’t necessarily agree with this statement, so don’t let such reviews frighten you off. It isn’t a riveting read, but isn’t too tedious—much more exciting than the middle section of War and Peace.

The following are (in my most humble opinion) the most major characters in the book, I would name the other major and minor characters but you would be bored to tears by the time I was through as there were so many.

The story begins with Sir Leicester Dedlock, and his beautiful and much younger wife. She has a secret that she has never divulged to anyone, not ever her husband. It is so secret, in fact, that even she does not know it in its entirety. We are then introduced to Esther Summerson, Ada Clare, and Richard Carstone who are wards of Mr. Jarndyce—a generous, kind fatherly character who is involved in a never ending, complicated and expensive lawsuit. The wards move into Mr. Jarndyce’s estate—Bleak House. The house is anything but bleak and is a place of solace for the three wards.
The story in all of its intricacies plays in out and through the aforementioned characters as they experience life. Their experiences include travels, love, heartbreak, obsession, sickness, murder, spontaneous combustion, death, trickery (or trickeration if I was an ESPN commentator), education, revenge forgiveness, and much more.

Favorite Quotes:
"Sir Leicester is generally in a complacent state, and rarely bored. When he has nothing else to do, he can always conetmplate his own greatness. It is a considerable advantage to a man, to have so inexhaustible a subject." (pg 167)
"He didn't at all see why the busy Bee should be proposed as a model to him; he supposed the Bee liked to make honey, or he wouldn't do it--nobody asked him." (pg 106)

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: A-
Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yes.

Mort by Terry Pratchett

Mort was my favorite Terry Pratchett book on the top 100 list. I’ve now completed all 5 Terry Pratchetts on the list and more exciting than that is the fact that Mort was my 50th read on the list. (For those of you who failed 2nd grade, that means I'm halfway done!) Now, I’m just hoping that the second half of the list will take less time to read than did the first half (28 years).


This story (like The colour of Magic, Night Watch and Guards! Guards!) takes place on Discworld—the planet that travels through space on the back of a giant turtle. The main character’s name is Mortimer (Mort for short) and is regularaly referred to by others as “boy” due to his lack of skills, non-descript characteristics, and minimal self confidence. After failing to be chosen by any of the employers at the job fair for an apprenticeship, Death (yes THE Death) hires Mort to be his apprentice.

As the story develops, so does Mort. He learns through challenges and failures as he plays the role of Death; meanwhile navigating a relationship with Death’s adopted daughter. The story is very amusing, easy to read and the plot is clever and unique.

Favorite Quotes:

“The creator had a lot of remarkably good ideas when he put the world together, but making it understandable hadn’t been one of them.” (pg 5)

“Mort hesitated. He wanted to say: you’re wrong, he’s [Death's] not like that at all, he doesn’t care if people are good or bad so long as they’re punctual. And kind to cats, he added.” (pg 70)

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: B

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yes…except for my friends who are Twilight series junkies.

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

There was a page in the back of my copy of A Tale of Two Cities which read: “By the year 2000, 2 out of 3 Americans could be illiterate”. This ad was put together by the Ad Council in (I believe) 1989. I scoffed at the ad, but it made me wonder—what exactly does it mean to be illiterate? I don’t know for sure. I started reading Treasure Island—which I read once before in fourth grade. I distinctly remember understanding almost nothing my first time through; which is why it ended up on my “to read” list. This recollection made me curious. According to the introduction, Treasure Island was written in 1895 and is “aimed at a young and chiefly male readership.” I don’t know exactly how old “young” is but I’ll assume 10-13ish. This leads me to conclude that a) because the book was written for boys, I, as a 10 year old girl wasn’t able to understand it by virtue of the fact that I was a girl, b) I was illiterate, or c) I thought it was just easier to skim the book and use cliffs notes instead.

Well, even if I was illiterate at age 10, I’ve redeemed myself by comprehending Treasure Island much better this time through. It was only 190 pages and therefore made for a quick, two day read. I think I had the story mixed up with Robinson Crusoe and kept waiting for the sweet natural water slide and the treetop resort and was disappointed when I realized they weren’t coming. Aside from that, it was an action packed pirate story in which the young boy managed to commandeer a ship from pirates—so, as you can tell—it was very realistic.

Okay, I’ll stop with the mockery. In all seriousness, it was a cute story, well written, intriguing, and fun to read.

Oh, here’s a piece of trivia for you. You know the famous pirate Long John Silver? He originated in Treasure Island.

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG.

Overall Grade: B-

Would I recommend this book to my friends: I’d recommend it to parents who want something to read to their kids.

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

A Tale of Two Cities was another great Dickens read. As it turns out, not only do I not hate Dickens, but I think I actually really like him. There. I said it.

A small bit of trivia for those who don’t want to read A Tale of Two Cities—the two cities to which the title refers are London and Paris. The story takes place in the late 18th century and seems somewhat historical in nature. Unfortunately, I don’t know how much of it refers to “true” history and what is fiction. Maybe someone can help me out there (Matt?...).

While overall the book was very well written and understandable, one thing is bugging me. Dickens, numerous times throughout the story, wrote paragraphs which were a string of sentences each beginning with the word “that” each of which seemed (to me) inconclusive.

I personally, might write a sentence beginning with “that” as follows. That the orange had long passed its prime, was obvious.

Dickens’ “that” sentences were more like this:

That the yellow bee had last week gathered nectar from the flower. That the hummingbird danced lightly on the planter, green feathers shining in the sunlight. That certain people are wrong in the majority of their opinions but insist on spouting garbage as if it is fact.

I simply don’t understand. These sentences leave me feeling as if I’ve accidentally stepped off the curb into traffic and can’t gain balance in order to retreat.

I assume the seemingly incomplete “that” sentences were grammatically acceptable during Dickens’ time but I’m going to need some explanation. Maybe my second grade teacher forgot to teach me about those.

I digress.

The story is a mysterious historical adventure drama about a man (Dr. Manette) who is imprisoned unjustly; his daughter (Lucie Manette), her husband (wouldn’t you like to know?), their banker (Mr. Lorry), and the hero (not telling). I’m leaving out a bunch of other characters including villains…because they’re jerks. I’ve decided not to expand much on the plot as the story is written such that the reader has little idea about what is going on until pieces unfold throughout. It is a great story. I’ll leave it at that.

Favorite Quotes:”When he cared to talk, he talked well; but, the cloud of caring for nothing, which overshadowed him with such a fatal darkness, was very rarely pierced by the light within him.” (pg. 136)

“All the women knitted. They knitted worthless things…” (pg. 171)

“A solitary old bachelor,’ answered Mr. Lorry, shaking his head. ‘There is nobody to weep for me.” (pg. 288)

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: You could easily make it PG-13 or R.

Overall Grade: A-

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Totally.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Today is kind of like the day that my husband realized he's not a Republican. Today, I no longer can honestly say “ugh, I hate Dickens”. Just goes to show that when you’re 15, you’re not always right. Fancy that. Great Expectations was a GREAT read. It was intense, humorous, Dickens didn’t wax too verbose, it contained both creepy, crazy characters, and also those who were sweet and likeable. I kept waiting for the book to suck, but it never did.

The story is about “Pip” who was a young orphan, raised by his aunt and her husband. His uncle is raising him to be a blacksmith but Pip is a boy of “great expectations” who, upon meeting the beautiful and wealthy Estella, and her guardian Miss Havisham, he thirsts for his own wealth. For Pip, the grass is always greener somewhere else. He mysteriously stumbles into a fortune of an unknown size and still finds no happiness in his station, as he loves Estella who refuses to love him in return. The story continues and gains intensity as Pip unexpectedly runs into an old acquaintance who surprises him and once again the course of his life is changed.

My biggest disappointment was the ending—not so much because of what happened, but because the final third (or so) of the book was so intense and compelling and I felt like it came to a screeching halt and the end felt abbreviated. Everything was resolved and the story concluded, but it just felt incomplete to me. The edition I read also contained the original ending; which I read with hopes that it would be more definitive, but it was even less appealing to me. Am I the only one who thought "huh? that's it?" at the end?

Favorite Quotes:
"We Britons had at that time particularly settled that it was treasonable to doubt our having and our being the best of everything: otherwise, while I was scared by the immensity of London, I think I might have had some faint doubts whether it was not rather ugly, crooked, narrow and dirty." (pg 162)

"As to forming any plan for the future, I could as soon have formed an elephant." (pg 325)

"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade." (pg 429)
If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: A- (I think that’s fairly accurate, but I may be biased based on the fact that I had such low expectations going into the book.)

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yes.

Night Watch by Terry Pratchett

This was my favorite Terry Pratchett so far. The main character was Sam Vimes—to whom I was introduced while reading Guards! Guards!. He was the watch captain in that book. Vimes played a slightly different roll in the majority of this book as he travels back in time 30 years after falling through the ceiling of the Ankh-Morpork library (known to be enchanted). He lives a dual reality in this earlier and darker Ankh-Morpork as he plays the role of John Keel—the boss of the young, rookie copper—Sam Vimes. Vimes, as John Keel leads a rebellion against the corrupt government of Ankh-Morpork while trying to find out how to return to the future where his wife is in labor with their first child.


Night Watch was an intriguing, intense, energetic and entertaining read. I normally view time travel as a cop-out for lack of creativity, but it was very well played in this book. The story had a far more somber tone than some of Pratchett’s other works, but humor interposed.

Favorite Quotes:
“Oh dear, here we go again, thought Vimes. Why did I wait until I was married to become strangely attractive to powerful women? Why didn’t it happen to me when I was sixteen? I could have done with it then.” (pg 214)

“…Vimes found it better to look to Authority for orders and then filter those orders through a fine mesh of common sense, adding a generous scoop of creative misunderstanding and maybe even incipient deafness if circumstances demanded, because Authority rarely descended to street level.” (pg 65)

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: B

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yes.

The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett

To be completely honest, had I read this book in Spanish, I probably would have comprehended about as much as I did in English. (I probably only know about 100 Spanish words.)


Here’s what I understood. The story is about a guy named Rincewind, an almost wizard (he flunked out of school), and his travels with Twoflower—a guy from another planet. Oh, and when I say another planet, I don’t mean—a planet besides Earth. What I mean is—a planet besides Discworld. Discworld is the flat circular planet which rides around space on the back of the Great A’Tuin—a turtle—and the planet where Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series is set. (Fancy that.)

Twoflower and Rincewind get themselves into some trouble and are manhandled around the planet for a while until they end up in Krall. Krall is significant, but I’m not sure how. I was drifting in an out of sleep during the last pages of the book, so I won’t spoil the ending for you…mostly because they are a bit foggy.

Something can be said about a 200 page book that takes me three weeks to read. I’m not sure can be said, but it says something. I wanted to like it; really I did. The combination of fantasy and Britishness was just too much for my puny little brain to handle.

Favorite Quotes: “In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.” (pg 196)

“Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.” (pg 161)

If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG…I think (I might have missed some stuff)

Overall Grade: it wouldn’t be fair for me to rate it.

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yeah, I’d recommend it to my friends who like fantasy.

Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett

This book is the 8th book in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series--which is a humor/fantasy series about a flat world which rides through space on the back of a turtle.

I'm going to steal the next two paragraphs from Wikipedia because frankly, I’m not all that great at writing book reports (not particularly revelatory to anyone who reads this blog).

“The story follows a plot by a secret brotherhood, the Unique and Supreme Lodge of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebony Night, to overthrow the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork and install a puppet king, under the control of the Supreme Grand Master (Vetinari's secretary, Lupine Wonse). Using a stolen magic book, they summon a dragon to strike fear into the people of Ankh-Morpork.


Once a suitable state of terror and panic has been created, the Supreme Grand Master proposes to put forth an "heir" to the throne, who will slay the dragon and rid the city of tyranny. It is the task of the Night Watch – Captain Vimes, Sergeant Colon, Corporal Nobbs, and new volunteer Carrot Ironfoundersson – to stop them, with some help from the Librarian of the Unseen University, an orangutan trying to get the stolen book back.”

Guards! Guards! was very hilarious in a very British way. I’m not incredibly well versed in the art of understanding British humor, but I did find that reading this book with a British accent and imagining Monty Python-esque situations seemed to increase my appreciation of the story significantly. I guess that’s about all I’ve got on this one.

Favorite Quotes: "Aiding and Abetting what, Captain?' said Carrot, as the weaponless guards trooped away. "You have to aid and abet something.' 'I think in this case it will just be generalized abetting,' said Vimes. 'Persistent and reckless abetment." (pg 329)

"They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up...which was definitely several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt." (pg 157)
If this were a movie, I'd rate it: PG-13

Overall Grade: B

Would I recommend this book to my friends: Yes, the kind of dorky ones.(and I mean "dorky" with the highest possible level of respect.)